Awakened with lower back pain: Even with the awareness that the back pain has a meaning – I attempt to stretch it out and consider that perhaps it is a result of some physical activity over the past few days.
Circling: I am aware of the great wisdom teaching of Metapsychiatry that “pain is an angry, interaction thought,” yet, like a dog circling the spot where they are about to lie down, I circle the meaning. Attempting to think it through – intellectualizing about what it means, what it has meant in the past. All attempts to figure it out and “do” the healing through my own efforts fail – of course.
Prayer and Meditation: Praying and meditating on what it means, asking God to help heal this pain also fails. I’m still focused on healing the symptom. At least I can laugh at myself and have compassion for the fruitless attempts.
Sincerity: It occurs to me that there is nothing I need to do. Whatever thought is expressing itself in this pain is on its way into awareness. There is some embarrassing thought to face. It becomes possible to “let.”
Letting the three R’s: I present the situation to my Metapsychiatric mentor. There, in the presence of non-personal, non-conditional benevolence, critical judgmental ignorant thoughts come clearly into view. These critical thoughts are recognized as rivalry and malice, de-volving from “comparison thinking.” Yuch!
After all the spiritual studying, I do not like to consider that I can have such thoughts. Yet, there they are, plain as day – with the pain to go with it. And, in the actuality of seeing them through the lens of Perfect Love, it is a relief.
This awareness is completely different from the intellectual thinking attempts to manage the situation. It is a non-judgmental, yet, completely truthful view of ignorant thoughts, juxtaposed with the awareness of ever-present, non-conditional love. A wave of embarrassment is followed by a wave of regret. The “wave” is the ocean of love-intelligence, letting itself be known, and thus, the ignorant mental garbage is recognized for what it is: nothing.
The “dead trees come to life”: The back pain disappears, but even more joyful is the disappearance of defensiveness and frustration. It is not noticeable to anyone – everything in my life is the same, yet, the quality of being has been greatly uplifted. I see myself, and others blossoming, each, according to our own seasons. Perhaps we always have been and with awakened eyes, I am able to see it and appreciate it more fully. It is interesting to contemplate that the “dead trees” are within our own consciousness – merely personal misperceptions.
The Real Work: The critical and judging thoughts still come into awareness, and sometimes into experience. The need is for constant alertness to them and their deceptive nature. There is a greater capacity for “…the open-minded confrontation of that which reveals itself from moment to moment…” (Dr. Hora, BTD pg. 57). In other words, ignorant thoughts are continuously coming into awareness. What is required is continuous practice and ceaseless prayer.
There is no “arriving” in Infinity – only going from good to better. With attentiveness to what is Real, what is unreal becomes very clear. Habits of thought may continue and need to be confronted – discerned for what they are, then dismissed as attention turns continuously to spiritual reality.
. . . and the wave crashes upon the shore and slides back into the sea.